i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
