Who wears a wallet chain?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
