I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
