You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
