the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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