Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
