my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
