I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
