So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
