I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
