the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
