Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
