Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
