Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
