my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
