After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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