I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
