Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
