I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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