Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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