worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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