You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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