I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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