I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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