Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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