Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
