Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize