It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
