This girl is more easily done than said...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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