Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
