part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
