That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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