Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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