Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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