i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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