So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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