I heard we made out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
