I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
