I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
