didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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