I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
