Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
