Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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