I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
