He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
