Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
