DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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