saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
