Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
