I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
