Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
