do herpes really smell.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
