why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
