Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize