There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
