On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
