dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's paint friendship bongs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
