I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
