I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
