remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
