hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
