haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
