So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
