last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
