just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
