Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize