shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nicole vs. Life
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
