her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
