i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
