Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
