We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
