There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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