So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
