Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
