She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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