She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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