So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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