Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
