why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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