Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
