can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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