Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
