I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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