Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
