i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
