i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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