i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
3pm strippers are depressing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
