What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
