im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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