So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
