The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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