Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize