Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
