Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
