what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
